I can remember growing up in a sports-filled, testosterone bulging environment, with a single mother, with two sons. Other men have explained their environment to be one of warmth, no pressure to perform, or the opposite of the before mentioned scenario. There are many different situations that facilitate a boy growing into a man. Let’s talk about it.
Many of us men seem to deal with the same few hiccups, where our partners tell us how we do or don’t behave. Some things we might hear are that we have difficulty communicating our feelings effectively, if we communicate at all. You may work too much and don’t focus enough on how your partner feels. We fight it when we hear it, and if you hear it enough, it drives you crazy! But we may need to take a step back and focus on the cause of the behaviors and not the actual symptoms. This is what I mean…. Let’s take the differences between males and females learning to ride a bicycle. All things being equal, and both live in 2 parent homes. When little Suzy takes off riding her bicycle and she falls, the first thing her parents would probably say is “Suzy are you alright?”. Suzy learned that she is expected to explain or express how she feels. Now, when little Johnny takes off on his bicycle and he falls, his parents would probably say “You’re ok Johnny. Get up and get back on the bike son.”. In that moment, little Johnny learns that his emotions are secondary to completing the mission or job. So as Johnny grows to be a man in a relationship, you hear him saying, “I don’t have time to talk about that right now. I have to go to work.” Or “I work hard to make sure bills are paid and my family is taken care of, and that’s still not enough.” Women will say in therapy sessions, “I ask him to talk to me, but he doesn’t.”
I believe it’s true that a lot of men, not ALL, have a tough time expressing emotions or how they feel. However, I also believe that if most men knew the root of why it’s difficult to express emotions, they would step up and learn that it is okay to express an emotion other than anger. It’s alright to feel stressed and irritable because you have worked 50 hours and have had little sleep. It’s alright to feel sad because life is not going your way. And that is why therapy is so important for many men. In therapy, you can learn or improve your ability to cope and express how you feel. No really, my man…how are you?
At Isaiah Counseling & Consulting, in Charlotte, NC, you can connect with a therapist who gets you, and can help you get through some of these challenges. If you have any questions or would like more information about how we can help you to effectively communicate, please do not hesitate to contact us.
